Question: Regarding permitting yichud when one’s husband is in town, does the husband need to know where his wife is located for the permissibility of ba’alo bo’ir to apply?
Introduction: The Gemoro in Kiddushin (81a) states that if a ladies’ husband is in town (“ba’alo bo’ir”), there is no concern of yichud. This is ruled by the Shulchan Aruch (Even Ho’ezer Siman 22 se’if 8). We have previously established that although it is not unanimous, the general consensus among the Poskim is that ba’alo bo’ir is allowed l’chatochilo. We have also ascertained that if there exists familiarity between these two individuals (referred to as “libo gas bo”) the permissibility of ba’alo bo’ir does not apply.
Let us now return to the question; does the husband need to know where his wife is located for the permissibility of ba’alo bo’ir to apply?
Discussion:
Some infer from the wording of Rashi and the Rambam that they contend this very point: Rashi (Kiddushin 81a d.h. ba’alo bo’ir) explains the reason for the permissibility of ba’alo bo’ir “… that she is scared that her husband may come now” which implies that only in a situation where a married lady is actually scared that her husband may come and find her secluded with another man, is yichud permitted. Thus, if the husband has no idea where his wife is located, and therefore there is no possibility that he will come and find her, there should not be a leniency of ba’alo bo’ir.
However, the Rambam (Hilchos Issurei Bi’ah Perek 22 Halacha 12) writes “… fear of her husband is upon her”. It can be inferred from this that irrespective of whether or not her husband may actually come and find her secluded with another man, she has a natural fear and apprehension of her husband when he is in town, and it is this fear that permits yichud.
The inferences from these aforementioned Rishonim are suggestive, but not conclusive.
There is a machlokes Acharonim regarding if the permissibility of ba’alo bo’ir applies in a situation where the husband is in town, but there is no possibility that the husband will come (and find his wife in seclusion with another man):
• The Pischei Teshuva (Even Ho’ezer Siman 22 s.k. 7) quotes the Chochmas Odom (volume 2, perek 126) who maintains that if the husband does not know where his wife is located, the permissibility of ba’alo bo’ir does not apply, because there does not exist any natural apprehension that her husband may come and find her [secluded with another man].
Additionally, according to these opinions, even if the husband knows of his wife’s whereabouts but has shown his approval for her to go to someone else’s house, the permissibility of ba’alo bo’ir will also not apply.
• However, the Chida (Shiyurei Beracha on his sefer Birkei Yosef Even Ho’ezer Siman 22, and also in his sefer Yosef Ometz) and the Chazon Ish (quoted in the sefer D’var Halacha on Hilchos Yichud) both learn that the permissibility of ba’alo bo’ir is all-encompassing and will apply irrespective of the husband knowing about his wife’s whereabouts or having shown her approval for her to be secluded with the man in question.
Conclusion: Regarding yichud with a lady whose husband is in town (ba’alo bo’ir) but does not know where his wife is currently located; although there are lenient opinions, it would be prudent to be stringent wherever possible, and avoid relying on the permissibility of ba’alo bo’ir in this situation. A possible solution would be at least to make sure that the door is at least unlocked, or preferably slightly ajar.
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